Jobs That Allow Me to F#$% S@*& Up


by Deja Beamon

Let me start of by stating my New Year’s resolution: I will proofread/edit my blogs from now on. I was really excited and passionate about the last blog I wrote, until I read it a week after it was published and realized it could have been A LOT better. I used it for another application and was able to incorporate Honey Boo Boo. I’m sorry you all missed out on that experience.

Now, onward. As Christmas break quickly approaches, fear enters my heart. How am I going to write four papers without my brain exploding? How am I going to go to happy hour with my friends from back home and still have enough money to buy my family gifts? Will I find the perfect NYE dress?

Oh and SHIT I SHOULD PROBABLY START SEARCHING AND THEN APPLYING FOR A JOB! You see, this is not my first tango with the job application process. I’ve walked into many a restaurant and smiled my way into a hostess position. I mean I’ve been working since I was 13 (under the table, say what! gimme da loot) but now I must embark on this scary thing called a career.

And it’s not that easy for me (not saying it’s easy for you or anything but it’s my turn to whine). You see… I’m indecisive. I once almost ate Burger King, pizza and Popeye’s chicken just because I’m greedy and couldn’t make a decision (I ended up choosing Popeye’s because as we all know their chicken is the shiznit). Anyway, I suck at making choices when it comes to food so how do you think I feel when I must decide what I want to do with my life? And maybe I won’t have my first job for life but like your first legit job is pretty important in order to get your second dream job that will make you a millionaire and therefore enable you to save the world. And I just had to pick the one major that I love but does not help narrow down any choices. Women’s Studies. Talk about one of the least restricting majors in the world as well as the one that provides the least guidance (what is a woman?). I mean, I can go to grad school, I can join the PeaceCorps, I can do a fellowship (which sounds way more legit than it actually is), I can go into the corporate world and fuck shit up, I can go into nonprofits and fuck shit up. There are so many avenues to fuck shit up and make the world super legit and egalitarian and all I can think of is Burger King, Popeye’s or pizza.

I went to the Career Center and they gave me some resources with which I will struggle over break. So while my family is full of Christmas cheer, I will be at the table stuffing my face with mashed potatoes while trying to find the most PC search term to type into Google in order to convey “jobs that allow me to fuck shit up” and hopefully the Google gods will send me to the promised land. Bah, humbug!